In this episode, John sits down with his client, Olevia, who recently completed her 1-1 6-month coaching program. Together, they discuss leaving toxic jobs and families, why slow and steady wins the race (even though it often doesn't feel like progress at all) and why after her huge success, she has decided to join John's new coaching Weight Loss Freedom Academy.
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To inquire about 1 -1 Coaching with John - email John at john@oakesweightloss.com
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In this episode, John sits down with his client, Olevia, who recently completed her 1-1 6-month coaching program. Together, they discuss leaving toxic jobs and families, why slow and steady wins the race (even though it often doesn't feel like progress at all) and why after her huge success, she has decided to join John's new coaching Weight Loss Freedom Academy.
Buy my book! 75 EASY: the ultimate challenge for personal growth
Amazon US
UK
CA
AU
Weight loss coaching - Join the Weight Loss Freedom Academy today
To inquire about 1 -1 Coaching with John - email John at john@oakesweightloss.com
Check out the EASY WAY OUT Blog/Newsletter site
Join the free "Lose Weight with John" community
Watch the Easy Way Out on Youtube
Unknown Speaker 0:00
All right, well, I'm here today with a very special guest. President Barack Obama. Just kidding. It's my client, Olivia. Sorry, probably a huge disappointment now. Anyways, Olivia is here. So let me just say hi. And tell tell the listeners a little bit about yourself.
Olevia Laird 0:21
Hi. Um, so when I first met, will not met when I first found John on the internet. I was a director of nursing for long term care facility. And you that job literally was sucking the soul out of my body like a Dementor from Harry Potter. And I couldn't see it. And I was just living in misery. And I have sense with John's guidance and ideas have changed my life and like the biggest way,
Unknown Speaker 1:03
very cool. And you want to give people a sketch of just how things changed. With Work cut first. And why Gosh.
Olevia Laird 1:10
So I haphazardly like, put it gave my my 30 day notice without having a job lined up. But I knew that's how bad I knew I needed to get out of there. I picked up another job. And I went from working like 20 hours shifts to now I get paid by like per patient that I see. So pretty much I can see my people and be home by two, and have so much extra time left for my day and time that I can dedicate to myself, rather than be physically, emotionally or mentally whatever, I can pour more into my own cup than I was able to do before.
Unknown Speaker 1:54
Right on. So just for anybody listening if we're not being totally clear, Olivia came on as a one to one coaching client. And I want to say late July. And yeah, she just recently finished up I guess two weeks ago, she finished up her six month program with me. And I think we both agree it was a raging success.
Olevia Laird 2:20
Yeah, yeah, I really think so. There were some spots where I'm like, I don't know, this guy is gonna hate me like, it's gonna get sick of me. And I think that you had like, had some thoughts too of like, oh, man, she gotta make it. But I feel like after. After a little while, I think like I really started putting everything that you were saying into perspective and into practice and kind of rolling with it. And honestly, like, I can't imagine, like, continuing to live my life that I was living six months ago, like I can't even fathom but like that's powerful. Stuff like that. Like, that's, that's big. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 3:06
Yeah. So I think one thing that is really cool about your story is that when we first started, you were like, if, if we were watching all my clients at the time, kind of taking off from the, you know, like those pens where they hold their racehorses before they let them open. Yeah, yeah, you would have been kind of lagging there toward the toward the back, as far as progress you were making on the scale are with, you know, mentalities toward health and fitness. But what it goes to show is that, just because you didn't feel like you were making progress, had no bearing whatsoever on the fact that you were actually making tons of progress. I remember you coming into, you know, probably like the first, we do 14 sessions over six months, which doesn't sound like a whole lot, but it's quite a quite a journey. And I think up until like, the fifth and sixth sessions, you were still like, I don't even know if I'm getting anything out of this. Or if I'm like, I think you said like, I don't know if I'm like doing what I need to do to get anything out of this. Self incriminating.
Olevia Laird 4:19
Yeah, well, in the first, in the first couple of sessions, I knew that I needed to count my calories. I knew that I needed to track my weight. I knew that I needed to track my steps. But I was just also at some point, I was like, Well, you know what, fake it till you make it because I was so consumed by my job and the life that I created that I didn't. I don't know if I didn't have the energy to pour into myself and doing what I needed to do. Or I just, I just wasn't doing it. I don't know. But I know that like, I knew what needed to happen. Like deep down. I knew I needed to quit that job because it was just too much I did and there's like, no, no looking back.
John 5:05
Yeah, I definitely had clients make some pretty massive life decisions like that. And it's a little bit scary, because it's like, I don't want you to be homeless three months from now and being like, Darn it, John, what would you do to me? I was fine before you came and tried to help me. But no, I mean, it's, it's ultimately all we're trying to do is poke around and be like, what's not working in your life? And ultimately, I think a takeaway for people listening to this is that, yeah, you came to me for weight loss coaching. But my style of weight loss coaching is really more about internal freedom to do the things you want to do. And at some point that's going to intersect with your social life, your family life, your work, life, etc. Now, one thing I want to just kind of post up on really quick is that you were a really good example of why I have people count calories at the beginning of coaching, it's not because it's like the end all be all approach. It's not that you can't lose weight without counting calories. It's not that I demand that anyone count calories throughout the duration of their program. I'll be honest, I have no idea if you were counting calories toward the end, because that wasn't the focus. But at the beginning, I tried to get people to do it. And it's not necessarily for the reasons they would have done it in the past. Do you remember starting to count calories with me? Yeah, so
Olevia Laird 6:27
I remember, like, I remember our very first like zoom call, when it was like to get to know your thing. I didn't sitting in a Dunkin parking lot. Like if that tells you anything. I thought that was the parking
Unknown Speaker 6:42
lot of your work.
Olevia Laird 6:44
No, I was inducted. Okay. Okay, so. Right, right, big changes there. And the money I've saved from that, too, but we're not even gonna go there. No, when I first started tracking calories, I remember doing it for one full day. And seeing all the things that I consumed and all the little bites here and the snacks there, and this and this and this. And it ended up being. I feel like it was like six or five or 6000 calories like it was. It was up there. Yeah. And as soon as I saw, like, at the end of the night, when I put that in into the tracker that you gave me. I was like, wow, I was really like, I was, I don't want to say I was disappointed in myself. But like, how could I not see that type of thing? That's, that's where I was. And then after that, I was like, well, we're gonna fix that. And then I was like, I'm just gonna eat like 24,000 and see how that does. Which of course is like half 24,000 No, that's not what I meant.
Unknown Speaker 7:59
Somebody did some bad things that Dunkin Donuts Oh, my word. Oh, I remember exactly what happened. You dropped your calories to 3500 for the rest of that week. And my my instructions to you going in were don't change anything, right? Because a lot of times people have never counted calories for any other reason than to try to lose weight. But it's actually super helpful to count calories, even when you're just trying to understand what you eat on a regular basis, the patterns that are going into your fitness. And the whole idea there is that we give our brains data so that our brains can begin to make good decisions for us.
Olevia Laird 8:40
Well, and I think too, like I still track even like pretty much everything. I'm like scanning barcodes and like putting stuff in the into my fitness pal. But some of the things that you think like, oh, this is a healthy little snack. It's really like high calorie. Like, especially like fruits and stuff. I'm like, Who would have guessed it? Now, let me tell you that much.
Unknown Speaker 9:05
Which fruits were surprisingly high calorie.
Olevia Laird 9:08
Okay, it wasn't just the fruit though. But it was like the little apple things you can get from Walmart, their little apple things. They have a little bit of caramel. I was like, This is gonna be good. Okay, so what are we talking about? Okay, okay, no, but like I have convinced myself that I do best if I have like a grab and go snack not something that I have to like, sit and prepare. So I was like, this will be good. It's overtaken apple. Actually got caramel too. Some of them have yogurt. Yeah, those are better. So yes, it's the caramel.
John 9:48
So basically what you figured out like before we even really got started you disobeyed the instructions, which was don't change anything. You immediately dropped your calories by 15 100k calories a day. And you were still in a surplus. But it was like the realization of oh, I can, I can exist in a, an unhealthy patterns, and just eat way less than I'm eating right now, like, I don't even have to do any inner work to just eat less than I'm eating now, like I can, as I say, to some people like, oh, I can feed the demons on 3500 calories a day instead of 5000. And that's just the kind of simple but profound progress that not a lot of weight loss plans promote. Because we're supposed to all do the good things and only do good things. And you can't do the good things for bad reasons or bad things, for good reasons. It's all gonna be good things all the time forever. And it's just that's not the way real life works. Sometimes you go from 5000 to 3500, you're still in a surplus. But that is a massive move in the right direction.
Olevia Laird 10:53
Yeah, and I mean, I've kind of, I fell into that at the beginning, like good food, bad food sort of thing. But I've kind of come to the realization that like, it doesn't exist, like you can pretty much eat whatever you want in within moderation. And know like, what you're like, know what the calorie count is and budgeted into your day. Like, it doesn't have to be, you can only care. It's for the rest of your life. Like it's not like that. And that's so hardcore, what I thought of it, when, like, of the whole dieting thing when I was younger, and like dieting every other week, because I wasn't getting what I wanted. I thought like this extreme measure had to happen, but it really was not even like that.
Unknown Speaker 11:41
Right on. Yeah, and you know, whole foods have a place because they offer us the most nutrition per calorie. But when it comes down to it, there's oftentimes a place for a treat that is quote, unquote, Off Plan or isn't isn't Whole Foods, you know, it's got caramel in it or something like that. But that's like you said, it's there is no, there is no law, there is no rule, there is no truth that you can't enjoy whatever you want, basically, within moderation as long as you're paying attention and coming under your daily calories. 100%. So that was kind of the initial, that was one of the first things I remember with you. But then you kind of went into that phase, a few weeks of just feeling really lost. And we would have these good conversations, and then you come back to the next session, and be like, Yeah, I didn't really do anything. And we we dig into why and came back to ultimately work. You know, you were getting kind of coerced into working these double shifts as well. Yeah, because you kind of had to cover for whenever one of your employees didn't want to show up. And yeah, it was it was a bad situation. And so I remember you actually you transferred within your company, right to a different location. And then like you went to you went to have a conversation with your boss or something and like, basically almost got fired, or I forget exactly what happened.
Olevia Laird 13:09
Yeah. So basically, I moved to the other like facility, and I had a conversation basically, it was like, you know, this is not sustainable. Like, I can't even plan to get groceries, let alone have dinner with my husband or anything like that. Because I'm on call 24/7. Like, if you call and you're not going to work I have to come in because I can't. There's nobody else to pull from basically. So I had a conversation with my boss. And they were pretty much like, well, if you're not going to do it, somebody else will like, I was like, Okay, well, maybe they should. But that was like, that wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back. It should have been. But it wasn't. I was like, Oh, it's okay. I'll suck it up and keep going. Until, I don't know, probably a couple of weeks later, I was like, You know what, I can't I just I cannot do this anymore.
Unknown Speaker 14:07
Right on how long were you without a job before you found then the next one.
Olevia Laird 14:13
Um, so I didn't I didn't like lapse jobs. I put in my notice before I had one like lined up because in my old job, you had to give a full 30 days. And I found one within two weeks. And then I said, Well, I can start in two weeks. So it kind of worked out well.
Unknown Speaker 14:31
So then after that, we started getting into the holidays. And this is when things got
Olevia Laird 14:42
kind of got dicey. Man, it got dicey.
Unknown Speaker 14:45
Well, I think this was where you started to see. Let me put it this way. When you're able to let go of a job, and you basically did it twice, like you tried to transfer it didn't work, and then you actually let go of the job. Right. Even in a, even in a field, like nursing, where there's, you know, there's no shortage of jobs, there's, if anything, a shortage of good nurses, you're gonna find opportunities. Still, when you leave your place of employment, it can be harder than leaving a relationship, because you're giving up your income. And like a more direct source to, you know, having a roof over your head and food to eat. So, I think that as you went through the process of getting your head around, putting Olivia first in a radical way, and then you did that long before you were really making any huge changes with your lifestyle, I think it just goes to show that putting yourself first is the answer. It's not getting the scale to go down. And then as we went into the holidays, putting yourself first started to take on a different tenor. Because having to be around your family pointed out to you, okay, here's some of the toxic stuff I've been dealing with, that laid the groundwork for me working in jobs that were going to completely take advantage of me and put me in the middle of the drama, and constantly put me at a disadvantage. So maybe, maybe as much as you're comfortable, tell people about your experience over the holidays.
Olevia Laird 16:22
Oh, boy, um, the holidays were difficult, specifically, the time leading up to the holidays. Because everybody thinks you get this like, perfect little family Christmas, that's going to happen and you get so excited, and the gifts and all this like, perfect family stuff that happens. My family is dysfunctional, to say the least. And being around my sisters and my parents, at the same time, causes a lot of drama, anxiety, like it just freaks me out too much. So there's a lot there. There's, uh, it just causes a lot of anxiety and just things that like, it just it basically just triggers me to like, I gotta bite my nails. I gotta fidget. I gotta do something. Like, there's food. Oh, great. I'm gonna eat like, that's where it, it takes me and I know that putting myself first that's not that's not a place I want to be in mentally. That's not a place I want to be in physically, like, I love my family. But to an extent like there's there has to be separation from like, what is Olivia and what is good for Olivia and all the drama of all my other family members is not Olivia is to carry. Right. And that was something that you said early on. And I was like, that stuck with me. Like, their BS is not for me to carry. It's not for me to fix. I'm not to be a mediator in it. That's all men.
Unknown Speaker 18:04
Yeah, and, you know, without getting into the, you know, gory details, just in some broad strokes that I think other people will relate to, just to help them kind of see that they're not alone. You know, your sisters have serious struggles that they get on one hand have a lot of sympathy for given how they grew up. However, now that they're adults, they're not necessarily making the best decisions for themselves, or the people around them. And your parents, let's just say kind of have some very stuck patterns. And some, let's just call it unhealthy attitudes toward the family and maybe maybe having their heads in the sand a little bit about Yeah, the difficulties your sisters are going through and kind of like pretending it's not happening or actually I remember I remember your parents sometimes being very judgmental of at least one of your sisters in their struggles, but also like enjoying gossiping about it, but like
Olevia Laird 19:06
Oh yeah, yeah, totally against how my sisters handled our lives and like, but they want to run to me and and talk smack about. I'm like, can you believe this person did this and this, like, that's your kid that you're talking about? So I know that you're talking about me with them? Like, can you believe Olivia got a nursing job? Like what are you saying about me? Like, I don't even know. But I think it's just like, they like to play everybody against everybody else. And it's kind of evident in my in my sisters too. They do the same thing. Like mom did this dad did this that are like, what are you going to do about it?
Unknown Speaker 19:49
Like everybody just wants everyone else to listen to them gripe about everybody.
Olevia Laird 19:54
Yeah, yeah. And it's not good.
Unknown Speaker 19:58
And so over The course of the holidays, you know, with like Thanksgiving and then Christmas, you slowly started to get the gumption to give yourself some distance I remember I remember doing like, maybe it's Thanksgiving, you, you were kind of forcing yourself to show up. But just being like really observant, like you were very present. And like really watching and listening. And other people were like, what's wrong with Olivia, but for you is like, it was a different version of like, let's say somebody is taking down an entire bag of Doritos every night. Like I don't tell them in coaching, stop that. What I say is start noticing the things you're thinking about. And the hours before that happens. Notice what's going through your head as you're opening the bag, as you take the first few bytes, like just be present for more of it. Describe the situation to me, and describe it to yourself. And over time, that process is gonna teach you so much about why you're doing what you're doing. And if there's any inconsistencies, or unfair aspects to that, or just straight up, not true things at the core of that you're going to see it. And it seems like that was the exact approach you took around Thanksgiving. And people people noticed that you weren't your normal
Olevia Laird 21:16
self. That's absolutely right.
Unknown Speaker 21:19
And then as as Christmas got closer, you started to actually give yourself some space and permission to just not show up to everything. Yeah. And I remember that was that was tough. I'll let you you know, definitely speak to that. But one thing that I just want to say before I forget is that you dealt with a lot of guilt. That happens when a child starts to separate themselves from the family. Because yeah, there's all these thoughts that start bubbling up. And I remember, I'll let you talk about it. Because I don't want to just speak for you. Yeah, I just remember that a lot of the things that were coming up for you were like, wow, this is exactly the same thoughts I had, and the same fears I had when I was trying to remove myself from similar situations.
Olevia Laird 22:07
Yeah, I just ever I really. My mom's famous line is Shame on you for anything, literally anything. And so that was like, over and over in my mind, like, shame on you. You're abandoning us like, and I felt so much guilt and like, I really thought that I was like, upsetting everyone. And I,
Unknown Speaker 22:37
you probably want it to be fair, well, yeah. No,
Olevia Laird 22:40
I really, I really was. But like, my role within the family is like the fixer. Nobody calls me unless there's an issue. And so for me to be the one creating the problem was like, it messes with my mental like stance for a while.
Unknown Speaker 23:06
Because it's so going against the grain of your role in the family. For so long. Everyone else causes problems. And you are the peacemaker. And now all of a sudden, you're, you're the troublemaker, you're not showing up to Christmas parties. And and that means something bad about you. It must, right?
Olevia Laird 23:23
Yeah, it absolutely does. It means that I'm selfish and but really like you go into this and you think it's it's kind of cliche, but you see it all over the internet, like self care isn't selfish. But like, honestly, like you, when we first talking, you're like, Well, you kind of have to put yourself first and I'm like, oh, like that's not. I'm a giver, like I care about people like I don't put No, but it's not even like that. It's as easy as like just going for a walk that's putting yourself first in some way. Like it's just different. Sorry, I got sidetracked a little squirrel.
Unknown Speaker 24:01
That's okay. But you're right that, you know, I remember we had a conversation that I have with a lot of people, which is you think that if you start looking after yourself and making what feels like radical decisions in your own interests. You look at the direction you're heading and you see, oh, I'm going to turn into a giant sociopath. I'm going to turn turn into the kind of monster that I am trying to get away from in my family or by past relationship or whatever. I use the word monster a bit loosely, but we start we we can get so afraid that if we put ourselves first that that is the same thing as being a bad person. Because oftentimes, especially if you've been a giver, you've been taken advantage of by somebody who was always putting themselves first so to speak. Right but that level of chronic selfishness and lack of sensitivity and awareness to anybody else and their needs is miles and miles and miles away from us getting to a more balanced place where we are taking care of ourselves as much or more than we are trying to take care of other people. Right? No, I agree. Oh, good. That's the end of the podcast. Not kidding. But it seems like you, you live that, like you got through that experience. And I just, I want you to talk a little bit more about that. Because I know that for a lot of people listening to this, they have it, they have issues in their life that they don't know how to extricate themselves from, and they definitely don't feel permission. And if they were to do that, there would be these voices of shame and guilt that would come in and, you know, they fear would absolutely cripple them, or kill them. Yeah, that's kind of how that's why we stay stuck in these situations where we don't think we can leave. How did you deal with that guilt? And those those voices that came up? And what did that look like for you? Um,
Olevia Laird 26:01
so the best way that I found to deal with the, the guilt and the thoughts of just being horrible, was I started journaling, I started writing all my thoughts down, not all of them, but like the big ones, and really looking at them like, so if I write something down, and then like, an hour later, or whatever, I'd go back, and I'd look at it and be like, well, that's not actually true. And really look at the statements that I made and see, like, does that say something about me? Where's that coming from in my head, whereas like, this is coming from a place of fear, because of how my parents treated me when I was younger, is this coming from like, just trying to like sort every fall out? And I, I even sent you an email one time of like, the percentages of all my statistics of my stuff that I drilled down. Yeah, so I went through a lot of my journaling with a fine tooth comb and kind of sorted everything in a way that made sense to me. And I knew that I wasn't the, my thoughts were actually like, a lot of emotion and not always factual. And when you look at like, the facts, and when I say like, I could, I could justify a lot of things as being facts. But like when I say like, making it factual, I mean, like, can be proven in a court of law like this is actual, actual, actual objective reality. Yes. And that was that was really helpful in understanding where my brain was, and what kind of place I was coming from, was I like, kind of tracking my mom's voice in my head of like, Oh, my God, you're so horrible. Or was it just like, my actual thoughts of, maybe I shouldn't go maybe. Maybe I go, and I drop off Christmas presents, and I leave. Maybe I have a conversation about how I'm feeling with my parents, which I did. Which it went poorly. Hit who would have guessed right? Yeah, um, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 28:22
your dad tried to give you money. Like he tried to, like, what's wrong with you?
Olevia Laird 28:31
Yeah, he's like, Listen, if if, if it's a money thing, I'll help you out. And I'm like, it's not, you just don't even know like, and then I start talking about, like, I'm exploring why I'm thinking the way that I'm thinking and why I'm doing things the way that I'm doing them. And he was like, Oh, well, yeah. If I can help you with that, like, Okay, are you interested to hear what I say? You just want to write me a check, like, what are we doing here? Pops.
Unknown Speaker 28:58
So it kind of, you know, dovetails nicely into the topic of a couple of different things. So one thing that I remember us talking about is looking at it from a third party perspective. Like if, if a third party came in here, like an alien from outer space, and they were human, and they understood human things, but had no other context for what's going on. Would they look at the situation and ask, why is this child being such a bad person? Or what would be their number one question, you know about the situation and it was, what did the parent do to cause a child to not want to be around them at Christmas? Because I don't think that there are many children who start off that way. It's not the general bent of a child to be super stoked about not having parents. That's not really a factor in many people's decision making. I think it's something that we can really easily miss. When we get lost in the guilt and the shame over or creating boundaries, or sometimes separating ourselves from certain people. And just to mention also that we took the point of view of like, hey, this doesn't have to be forever. It's just one holiday at a time, you know, just to kind of keep it rational that way. But yeah, what did that do for you to kind of think about it from a rational third party perspective,
Olevia Laird 30:25
it really helped me clear out a lot of that like, emotional thinking that I was having, because I knew I was basically catastrophizing, it. And that's a strong word, maybe that's a little too harsh. But I was making it this big, emotional thing. And I was making it into like, well, this person is gonna say this, and this person is gonna say that, but in reality, like, nobody ever said anything. So that was like, on me, but also, like, I also went into it. And I think we talked about this before, like, I went into it, like I had my little childhood self sitting on my lap. Look at how these people are like, there's no way that you could make this work. This is them. This isn't you. That was really helpful to like, sit down and be like, Alright, little five year old girl. These are the people that you were raised around. Look at how they act makes me like, not question how I act. Because the, and to just be able to see like, the feelings that I have towards these people are valid, like 110%. So all the times that I'm feeling anxious or angry, like, there's a reason behind it. Like my body is telling me that little Olivia is telling me, they were mean to me. Why are you still here, you're a grown up, you can leave, you can drive go. So looking at it from a different perspective, it was really helpful in that sense to kind of distance myself further.
Unknown Speaker 32:16
Man, there's so many things we could branch off from here, because it's so such a rich ground. But it also misses the point that light it's not about you not loving these people, if anything, your love for these people kept you around for too long. And it was actually the immense love that would have to be in place for you to be willing to stick around and endure such nonsense. Absolutely. Because one of the things that I remember you were thinking about, and that comes through almost everybody's head, especially when they're dealing with, you know, parents whose relationships they need to redraw the boundaries a bit or in certain extreme cases, just kind of bow out, even if it's just temporarily, immediately the thought goes through people's heads of, well, they're old, you know, this could be my last Christmas with them. And I think that that is absolutely a catastrophizing way of looking at it, because it's using this extreme possibility as a cudgel to keep you going back to the trough, so to speak.
Olevia Laird 33:20
Right? But then also, I remember talking to you about this, and you said something that really struck me like when I said, but they're my parents, and this could be the last time you said, right, but last year could have been the last one to today could be the last day like tomorrow could be the last day on earth. Tomorrow could be my last day on earth, you know what I mean? Like it just, you can say that and like, make it fit your story. But if you make it fit your story, that's what you're gonna believe. Like, I don't know, it's just
Unknown Speaker 33:53
when we start playing the what if game, we often only play it in one direction. What if such and such happens, where I end up getting screwed and feeling like a fool? But we don't ever ask like, what if things go great. So it's really not what if it's what if something bad happens? It's really not even a hypothetical. It's purely pointed toward the negative. And that's one of the things that our brains don't really show us very easily, that a lot of our imagination isn't just imagination. It's specifically thinking through bad outcomes, ostensibly, so we can avoid those outcomes. But in the end, you know, so often it keeps us trapped. Right? So, after the holidays, once you were able to kind of create some distance, we were returning into the final couple months of the coaching program, and it felt like at that point, it was like you would hold in your anchor. And all of a sudden you had all this freedom from emotional eating, freedom to move to say yes to yourself. How did stepping away from family even temporarily affect your health and fitness? decisions.
Olevia Laird 35:01
So I just want to go back for because you said, I suddenly was having all this freedom. First of all, it wasn't sudden, there was. So I just feel like there are so many like little things that go into something and you see something as sudden, it's just because there was like this little breakthrough that it seemed sudden, but there's like so many other little things. So for me stepping away, helped me kind of reshift my focus towards myself, and really kind of look at the relationships and see what they actually are. Because I remember saying to my husband multiple times, like, if these people weren't my family, like if I met them on the street, would I still go hang out with them? No. Would I still want to be friends with them? No. So yeah, like they could be the greatest people. But if I woke up to you on the street, and just threw the middle finger in your face, you wouldn't be my best friend now? No. Like, that's not how that works. It really kind of opened the door for me to look deeper at a lot of my other aspects of my life and little pieces that I have, like my eating like my activity, like work, like, what have I done for myself? Things like that, like keeping myself I don't want to say keeping myself happy, but keeping myself happy. Like that's, you know,
Unknown Speaker 36:34
yeah. Would you say all these all these changes took like years and years to happen? Or that? Would you say maybe it happened kind of quickly, all at once? You could, you could say,
Olevia Laird 36:43
Yeah, it did. It did happen.
Unknown Speaker 36:45
It was sudden, trapped, you know, but No,
Olevia Laird 36:49
but look at all the things that led up to it. Like I had to quit my job I had to do like, there were so many pieces that led up to this little breakthrough that showed all these results.
Unknown Speaker 37:03
100% No, it's totally true, because, and that's, that's a point I was trying to make in the beginning that sometimes the clients who feel like they're not making any progress, they are making progress. It's just, it's not showing up in the scale, or how they're feeling emotionally. Like sometimes you have to wade through a couple different major sticky situations, some some toxic stuff that you're kind of trapped in, before you can really get free enough to actually experience the benefit of all the little changes you've been making along the way. So that's actually the big takeaway is that even if you don't feel like things are feeling better, or they don't seem like they're getting better. But you really do believe that you're making the right moves. Trust that because this, this situation is a really good example of what happens when you just keep your head down, stay in the fight, and keep making decisions for your well being, even when there are certain indicators that your mind is grabbing on to saying like, Oh, look, nothing's helping. So we should just quit and go back to the way things were.
Olevia Laird 38:10
Right. But you kept it forward. It's so easy to fall into that though, like, Oh, I didn't lose any weight. So I guess this is just all for nothing like I might as well just go get some Duncan. It's there's a matter of like trusting the process. I put all my trust in you that you were going to fix me. And you just you just gave me some guidance. Sit here Fly, little birdie.
Unknown Speaker 38:37
Yeah, so we had my magic wand. Yeah, tested my spells and potions. Where would you say things ended up like as we rounded out the six months of coaching? How would you describe your overall condition?
Olevia Laird 38:50
My overall condition?
Unknown Speaker 38:52
How would you describe the way you were feeling and moving and eating as you finished up the six months?
Olevia Laird 39:01
I mean, massively different than I was at the beginning. I'm easily getting my step goal every day. I just actually upped my step goal to 8500 I know. Yeah. And I'm going to the gym three times a week and I'm you know, I'm doing all of these things. I'm tracking my food. I'm meal prepping. Like, I just feel like who am I?
Unknown Speaker 39:31
What alien took over? Yeah.
Olevia Laird 39:35
Yeah, but I just I feel massively different. And I think just to put like everything together and I think I put it in the Facebook group. I think you commented on it. Like on our last day like to commemorate our little thing. I made myself a t shirt and put our foot across the back. I felt like it's such a powerful experience to be a Well to go from a place of like, just darkness and misery to like this free like, just like I can't wait for spring to get here like I am so hyped to be outside. I am so excited to go on a hike. Like, I've got a plan hike for Virginia, I'm gonna go on trip to go hiking, like what is that? Yeah, go on trips based on where the good food was. Like, I'm gonna go to this cool hiking spot and take some cool pictures. It's just so different. And I mean, it's just, I, there's no other way to describe it. It's an amazing thing that you don't even like when you're in it, you're just like, Okay, it's a little bit different from last week. And like you don't even see, well, I didn't really even see. But then like, we get to the end, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, like, the change. Like, I just wish I had like me from six months ago. And then me today like side by side. So I feel like you guys are just different people.
Unknown Speaker 41:15
It's crazy. Isn't it insane? Like, I maybe that's not the best word, isn't it odd how much our brains can be invested in doing things that we don't want to do. And that actively hurt us, and keep us from doing the things we want to do. It's, it's, it's, it really is crazy. I mean, it's just if there's no other word for it, it's so wild, how much our brains will have a capacity to do things that serve the interests of other people at a painful cost to ourselves. And I think that that just if anybody listening to this is caught in like that place of misery and despair. And stuckness understand that this is very possible, it's very possible for your brain to get stuck in this dead end place. And that's actually good news for you. Because that means there's an explanation for how you got to this place. And there's a way to back yourself out of the dead end. And part of it is realizing that you're at a dead end, and putting the thing in reverse and stop trying to do things the way you've always done them, and have some willingness to go down a new direction. I mean, thankfully for you, you chose to do coaching with me, and I really appreciate it because this was an awesome experience for me to get to see you go through this change. I mean, it's it is it's why like, yeah, these are changes that we don't see very often with people in, in the fitness space.
Olevia Laird 42:44
Well, yeah. And just to like tack on to what you're saying about like how odd it is that we just kind of go for, for whatever, like, it's so easy to I've always done it this way, and you just get caught on autopilot. And like you know, you don't want to be there. And that's not where you want to see yourself in, in a year. But the autopilot just keeps you going. And then like once you have awareness to that. And once you can see like, exactly what you're doing to yourself. It's life changing.
Unknown Speaker 43:17
So much of it is just seeing the truth and being present enough to let the truth set you free. Yeah, cheesy, but true. Truth really does set us free. So what's next for you?
Olevia Laird 43:32
I'm going to be doing the weight loss freedom course with you.
Unknown Speaker 43:37
Freedom Academy. Get it right.
Olevia Laird 43:38
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right. Listen, I got most of it. I missed one word. Yeah, so I'm going to do that. And I really, I'm really excited for it, honestly. But I feel like I didn't want to just end at our six months and just be like, Okay, I'm, I'm cured. I'm gonna be good now. Even if you're there teaching the course and it's only for my accountability. I will know that I'm there's at least someone in there is watching. And I am not going to screw it up. I promise.
Unknown Speaker 44:19
That's not really no, no, but
Olevia Laird 44:21
I have to promise myself because there is some part of my brain that's like, well, what if we get back to that spot? Like, especially with last time we talked was I got accepted into nurse practitioner school? Which, yeah. Um, see, I talked to my doctor today because I had an appointment and she was like, Well, why wouldn't you do it? And I was like, because of my own insecurities. And she's like, and that's sherry. And so you need to go, so I'm probably gonna go because it was also her words and yours that made me quit my job. So I trust you guys. So that starts in March, but there's like a part of my brain that's like, that's gonna add a lot of stress back to your life, are you going to be able to handle it? Are you going to freak out? Are you going to end up back where you were? So, again, let's catastrophize it, what if, what if, what if, but it's gonna be great, I'm gonna be able to handle it, I get off work at two o'clock in the afternoon, I can dedicate an hour a day to school and an hour a day outside. That's plenty of time left for my day. So thanks for allowing me to solve that problem in my brain.
Unknown Speaker 45:39
You did it yourself. Yeah, and so I'm glad, I'm glad you did say that. Because I do think that you will be fine. Even if you did, you know, take a break from working with me, or you finish the six month coaching and moved on into the next phase of life, I really do think that you would approach nurse practitioner school differently than you would have six months ago, obviously, six months ago, you wouldn't have even applied, let alone been willing to try it. But now you could do all those things. And I really do believe that you could deal with it in a very different way, in an Olivia centered way. For anybody who doesn't know, the weight loss freedom Academy is a new coaching program that I've developed. Obviously, I love coaching, I love doing one to one, and Olivia is a perfect example of why I like it, I can only have so many one to one clients at a time. And I wanted a program that was more scalable, that more people could join at any given time. So the weight loss freedom Academy is going to be kind of a limitless space for people to come and get the coaching experience, it's going to be cheaper than one to one coaching. And it's going to be those payments are going to be spread out over 12 months, which will be nice, I think it'll make it a bit more accessible for people. We're going to have a a course curriculum, I guess you could say that will take people through the coaching journey. And I think that that'll be really cool for some of my existing one to one clients who are going to come into the weight loss freedom Academy, because obviously, they've been working with me and they've had success. So clearly they were listening and learned things that I was teaching them. However, everybody's path is so individual and unique and one on one coaching, that's part of the service you're getting is that it's totally catered to you. But when I sit down and teach you the same coaching journey, in a more comprehensive way, I think there are going to be things on like week one and two, where you're like, John, why don't I learn about this yet. I'm excited for that. I'm just excited that even for my existing clients like this is going to be a real upgrade in transferring the things I know and perspectives that I have that I think could be helpful to you. And then we are going to have live coaching as well. So it'll be in sort of a group setting, but I'll be giving people one on one intention. So you and Olivia and a few other people might show up to a live call. Olivia will ask a question like, Hey, I was doing this lesson or this action steps afterward. And I don't really understand this. So this helped me through it. And you get to see me coach Olivia in real time. And likewise, you know, everyone will be able to see other people ask questions that they wouldn't necessarily ask, go through bits of the process that they're not on at that moment. But that all adds more context for everyone, hopefully just speed up and ease their process and their journey. And then we're going to have a community, which that's a place where Olivia excels is being a part of the community. You've done a great job in helping get the Facebook group more active, lose weight with John, join up if you're not there already. But the community. Yeah, you actually have access to the new community. What do you think of it so far?
Olevia Laird 48:51
It's bomb. Yeah, I just I need that it'd be more action, but I like it.
Unknown Speaker 48:57
Yeah, we just we haven't really started it up yet, in earnest. But yeah, the the setup is totally different than Facebook. It's on its own website. Yeah, I think it's fairly easy to access. There's an app. Have you tried accessing it through that?
Olevia Laird 49:11
I haven't. I've only been using my laptop, but I will. I'll download the app.
John 49:17
And then yeah, I think that community is going to be kind of the heart and soul of the whole operation. At least I hope so. So yeah, that's the weight loss freedom Academy. It's going to be a year long experience. You can join anytime, however, I am putting together an initial group of 15 people, which I've already got eight. So we have seven spots left over if you're interested. Correction, we fill 10 spots and there are now five remaining this I will be teaching the course curriculum live for the first year. So these 15 people and the people who join soon after, will have access to my live trainings. They'll be able to ask questions, you know, we'll be doing a q&a after each Lesson and people can get any clarification or personalization of the information that they need. And so yeah, we're gonna have, you know, lots of new people, and a few people like Olivia who've been with me for a while. So we're gonna have a nice mix of people who are just starting, or potentially have already been with me for some time and have their own perspectives on the things I'll be teaching you like Olivia does at this point. Are you excited to be a mentor? It's gonna be like
Olevia Laird 50:28
Big Brothers Big Sisters, like I'm here for it. Good. Hey, so when does your when does? When does it start?
Unknown Speaker 50:39
Second week of March, I think is what we're gonna shoot for. So yeah, second week of March, I'm going to start the live coaching, I'm going to start teaching live lessons. Yeah, it's gonna be it's gonna be a trip. Actually, the closer it gets, the more I'm just excited about it. Because yeah, never coached this many people in one program. You know, it's always been one person at a time. And I've been trying to get all my one of my clients into a community. And we were somewhat successful with that. But I think this is going to be this is going to prompt community in a whole different way. And I'm excited about that. So one cool thing about it is that the bigger it gets, the better it will work, I really do think that because the community will become that much more powerful. Every new person that comes in the group is another new person who's going to be an example for someone, six, nine months down the road, when they've started to have progress, and they've internalized some of the message, and they have their own way of helping other people understand it. I just feel like it's just gonna be like a snowball. And obviously, we'll be doing live coaching once a week at first. But after the group gets to be, you know, bigger and bigger, I will start offering more weekly sessions, which is just going to make it that much easier for everybody to find a time and day that works for their schedule and be able to come live to as many calls as possible. And oh, yeah, and if people don't come live to a call, that's totally fine. It's definitely not mandatory. Neither is coming to the live lessons, they'll all be uploaded later for people to watch at their leisure. And you can ask questions before a coaching call. I'll answer them whether you're there or not. And then later on, you can come back and watch the replay. And hopefully, we'll have that all time stamped. Yeah, any last words for the listeners about your journey or any encouragement for them?
Olevia Laird 52:30
My last words, I feel like I'm walking the plank. I just feel like if you think that this is something that you want to do, like, it would be a mistake not to do it. From the bottom of my heart, I wish that I had done this sooner.
Unknown Speaker 52:51
I really appreciate that. Olivia, and I appreciate you taking the time to share about your journey today. Thank you to everyone listening. If you're interested in the weight loss freedom Academy, you can email me at John at Oaks weight loss.com. That's Oh, aka ES. And you can just throw W LFA in the subject line or weight loss freedom Academy. Or Hi, John, tell me about the new program or whatever. It doesn't matter. Just anything. I'm so tired. I'm surprised that made any sense during this recording. Yeah, shoot me an email. And I will get back to you with more information and some questions that I'll have for you to help me get to know you better and see if you'd be a good fit for this program. And thanks for coming on the podcast Olivia and sharing your story. I know that you know some of this stuff is personal. So I appreciate you being willing to share it with a bunch of strangers on the internet. And hopefully we'll talk to you again soon. I'd like to have you on the podcast again. Because you are so complimentary. And it's really nice hearing how great I am and how much I've helped you know, net maybe next time you could put some of it into like song form, which would be cool. Oh, more clients should be singing, literally singing my praises. I think that I deserve that and
Olevia Laird 54:07
some ideas over to my song writer friends. Do you know, maybe.
Unknown Speaker 54:15
Thanks a lot, Olivia. And I'll talk to you soon.
Olevia Laird 54:18
All right, thanks. Bye